So tired!

Hello all,

It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything…nearly 2 months I think.  It’s the usual stuff happening, I get some down time, I start writing stuff, then I get busy again and the stuff I’ve been writing gets back burnered.

Ah well…it happens.  I’ll be making an effort to keep coming back to it though instead of just quitting…it’ll be useful to someone eventually.

But today is not about learning new coding stuff…today I’m going to post about my fitness journey.

As I’ve said many times since I started the blog, I’ve been in training to do a grappling tourneyment in Novemenber 2016.  That’s only 4 months away at the time of this post.  When I decided to do this compitition I was at about 340lbs.  I’m now at 280.  I’ve been at 280 now for the last 2 weeks and I can’t seem to make myself get any lower lately.

Hitting a plateau in weight loss sucks.  It’s so demoralizing when you’ve been doing well for a few months, then it just hits a wall.  To add on top of that I’ve been training injured in my jaw, arms (it was just the right one, but now the left one is starting to have the same problems), my back, and other things I don’t want to mention.  Let it just suffice to say I’ve been in some degree of pain everyday for the last 3 months solid…now that’s demoralizing.

Probably for the last month, I’ve been dead tired all the time as well.  Sure I can still manage to summon up the will to push myself into activity, but it’s getting more difficult to do as each day passes.  I’ve even heard thoughts echo’ing in my head asking if it’s all worth it.

Well hell yeah it’s still worth it, but honestly I’ve never wanted something to be over so much in my life.  I’m in a constant state of stress and it’s exhausting.  I’m worried that I’m not getting better fast enough, that I get my ass handed to me by everyone else in grappling class lately, that my weight loss has slowed significantly, that I’m constantly injured and when I start getting close to being healed up I get reinjured…then add this being tired all the time on top of all that…it’s not a good receipe for a healthy Toffer…well…it sort of is, I mean I’m in better shape than I had been in 20 years, but that’s not the sort of health I’m talking about.  It’s stress health and the weight of it is starting to get to me.

I just need to stay focused on November, all the stress will wash away when I have my first fight in my tourney…I had been thinking I’d be sad if I didn’t win…but now I don’t think that’ll be the case.  Honestly at this point, win or lose I think I’ll just be celebrating that I had made it there still alive.

So tired!